I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
