man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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