I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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