This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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