I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
