Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Randomize
