this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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