I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
