are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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