you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
