He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
