I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
