you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
