PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
