Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
