Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
