You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I think i got beer on your cat.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
