if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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