i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
