plz talk dirty to me
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Randomize
