she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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