I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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