she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
