Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
