i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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