i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Are my feet made of real feet?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
