I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Drunk is not a location!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize