I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
