dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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