I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize