Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize