Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
