cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
