I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Two words: blizzard sex
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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