Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
