My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Welp...herpes.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
