11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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