Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
