I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
you never un-have a 4some
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
