Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
His nipple licking is glorious
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