I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
