So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize