Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
