She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
