i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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