who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
