weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
