i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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