Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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