So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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