You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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