Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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