I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Enjoy the penises
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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