she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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