Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
