Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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