So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
