im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
