my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
