you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
