i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
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