what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize