Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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