At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize