Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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