I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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