listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
