I must be too annoying 4 u.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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