If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize