Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
