If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
