I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
