Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
