This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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