i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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