In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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