how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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