I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
