I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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