If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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