I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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