how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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