You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
