Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
