My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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