Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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