my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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