Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
